whath the heck is wrong with her?!

i used to really like linday lohan. i loved her movies, her songs. i loved her. she was so energetic, enthusiastic, on her way to mega stardom. of course being in the mickey mouse club was another plus. with THE MOUSE backing you up, who can go wrong (later, i did realize, the mouse was a bad judge when it comes to character, right britney?) then all of a sudden, controversies started sprouting out of nowhere like muchrooms in the wild. drugs, wild party, booze. what? is this the same cute girl who drove herbie? the same one we rooted for in mean girls? the one we laughed with in freaky friday? the adoralbe little lass in parent trap? yep. the same girl who has been in and out of courtrooms and rehab, and recently did 84 minutes of jailtime (wow, shocking! blech!)

what the hell is your problem woman? where the heck is your family amidst all these? why are you running around drinking booze, running over cars and garbage cans ? why are being such a wild thing? molested as a child? personality dilemma due to parents' divorce? poor little rich girl without any true friends? whatever the reason, gettahold of yourself! you are too young to self-destruct. you plenty of time to do that in you 30's-40's. get a grip. count your blessings. and for God's sake, stay away from the liquor cabinet!

here she is, like herbie, fully loaded!

pain is not my friend.

just got back from the hospital. my complaint: terrible back ache.

i went to the hospital hoping to find explanation and cure why the heck i am feeling this much pain... only to find none. i was just given pills for the pain.

i commuted on my way to and from the hospital. it was only now that i really understood the depressing state of our local roads. i felt every bump on the road, i felt it on my spine. every pothole we fell into, i felt the shooting pain in my back! why oh why is our roads so FULL OF EF-FING HOLES!!?? grrr....

when you are in so much pain, it makes you appreciate little things in life. walking about pain-free. being able to reach down without clutching your back. sitting down, standing up, then sitting down again all within seconds, aahh, all blissfull memories for me now.

please let this pain stop. as if i am not riddled with enough emotional and mental anguish, physical pain is sooo hard to endure. ahhh... please... take the pain away.

worries.worries.worries.

Nothing erases unpleasant thoughts more effectively than conscious concentration on pleasant ones. - Hans Selye

i am sooo stuck with my life. i've got nowhere to go. i'm neck-deep in debt. barely breathing. barely surviving. i am desperate. hmmm... suicide by billboard along edsa, sounds enticing. i know this is a stupid and self-defeating thought. just rambling i guess. when you worry a lot, you have a very strong tendency to dwell on the things that might go wrong.

i need to look at the bright side. try to concentrate on that. look, really look for the silver lining.

again, just rambling.

scary stuff

an explosion... again, and this time i doubt it has anything to do with methane gas! a bombing right where our congressmen hold their offices, public officials, people who are actually powerful, these people are getting bolder and bolder. and i guess our security in general is getting weaker and more lax. grr... what now? the people in authority always advise us to keep up with our daily activities, not to cower in fear, and show these terrorists that we are not afraid. easy enough to say huh? with all their body guards and security detail while us, NORMAL people, keep on living our normal lives, exposed to all the dangers... just trying to put on a brave face.

whatever. only in the philippines.

someone is rocking the boat

there has been a new guy at the office... and he's fast making "friends". he talks is a very loud voice... often drilling, not asking, our co-workers. he's supposed to be learning from us... but instead of trying to learn from us... i makes us feel like we're so stupid... and he is the almighty gift of God to all bankers in the world!!! grrr.... mr. bigshot... grrr...

don't they care whether the rank and file are happy or not... as long as the work gets done. so proactive...not, huh?

and please, do not attempt to smile at us because it comes out as a silly, irritating smirk... your reputation spread like wild fire even before he took post. bad, bad stories...

i just wish he leaves us alone.

love at first sight

do you believe in love at first sight? i don't. i don't believe you can look at somone from across the room and know that the universe wants you two to be together. there is just no logic. lust in first sight, sure. love? i don't think so. you see an attractive person, you size him up, you look at his eyes, his skin, his rippling muscles... and you let out a sigh... gawd! i'm in love! YEAH RIGHT!

it takes time to know a person... let alone develop friendship with him. that is what i strongly believe in... start as friends. get to know each other. know him when he is happy, get to know him when he's not. study him when he's not aware that you're looking. find out how he is when he is drunk, sober, stressed, hungry, horny, angry, bored... GET TO KNOW HIM. this will take time, and that is what's good about friendship. no pressure. no time frame. you grow, together. then when the time is right, when the stars are aligned. when the fates are smiling down at you... you slowly find yourself swirling... falling in love. believe me, it is the sweetest feeling. more precious than that abrupt feeling you feel in your gut when you see someone goodlooking. that's not love. that's a knee jerk reaction from your body looking to procreate with the best of the species to improve your gene pool. that is genetics. that is biology. that is definitely not love.