the poem of my heart

The Lie

by Wikket

Woke up this morning

Trying hard to hide my melancholy

I joined you for breakfast

And we continued our lie

Every day it is similar

You are cheery

And so am I

Our terrible lie

Can you imagine a time

When we awoke and did not speak

Realizing our moods would cause tension

Tension caused by too little life?

I do wish sometimes

As I leave for work sullenly

Dreading the day already

Weeping far within

The lie, terrible and unending

Would cease to be

And I would know the real you

And you the real me

But, the lie drags on for now

For it is not written in the stars

And perhaps it will never be

I am my own companion

The dreaded truth

Gathered in a lifetime

Sentenced for an eternity

Realized too late

you didn't greet me on valentine's day

i was so into valentine's day in the past. i was into being given something special, and giving something special. this is year is different for me.

no surprises. no flowers. no fancy dinners. no nothing. no effort at all to make me feel special. Seven year itch? hmmm.

have we drifted apart? why is there so much tension always between us? i am not happy anymore. you don't say you're sorry anymore, you don't try to pacify me when i'm upset. you just sit on your side, brooding, while i get more upset because you're not trying to comfort me. you don't say i love you over the phone anymore.

what's wrong? i don't even know what you're feeling. i don't know what burdens you carry. i don't know what goes on in that head of yours when you stare at nothing in particular.

i do know one thing... you didn't greet me on valentine's day this year.

depressed

i am a sad sad sad person.
a person struggling for control and yet this elusive control keeps slipping off my fingers.
i am a sad old person, declining rapidly everyday.
i am nothing.
not a good mom. not a good wife. not a good daughter. not a good sister.
i am not good.

i am a person out of control.

i am worthless.

i am in a very dark place.

whath the heck is wrong with her?!

i used to really like linday lohan. i loved her movies, her songs. i loved her. she was so energetic, enthusiastic, on her way to mega stardom. of course being in the mickey mouse club was another plus. with THE MOUSE backing you up, who can go wrong (later, i did realize, the mouse was a bad judge when it comes to character, right britney?) then all of a sudden, controversies started sprouting out of nowhere like muchrooms in the wild. drugs, wild party, booze. what? is this the same cute girl who drove herbie? the same one we rooted for in mean girls? the one we laughed with in freaky friday? the adoralbe little lass in parent trap? yep. the same girl who has been in and out of courtrooms and rehab, and recently did 84 minutes of jailtime (wow, shocking! blech!)

what the hell is your problem woman? where the heck is your family amidst all these? why are you running around drinking booze, running over cars and garbage cans ? why are being such a wild thing? molested as a child? personality dilemma due to parents' divorce? poor little rich girl without any true friends? whatever the reason, gettahold of yourself! you are too young to self-destruct. you plenty of time to do that in you 30's-40's. get a grip. count your blessings. and for God's sake, stay away from the liquor cabinet!

here she is, like herbie, fully loaded!