back slide

i again succumbed to my evil addiction. i did what i promised not to do anymore. i have been through this road before... when i did what i wasn't supposed to and end up feeling resentful... i again bought books when i still have tons of unread materials in my closet... i gives me pleasure... buying these books. i don't resent the fact the i bought these books, i just resent the fact that i had to pay lots of money again! in dire straits as we are, we don't really need the added burden of my books... but there they are... all 6 of them. the newest part of my closet collection. oh well... i mostly bought books on how to improve my life, how to deal with people, how to improve my spiritual life, how to be a good writer. looking back, it's obvious to see how unhappy and unsettled i am with my life, since i seem to be constantly finding ways to improve it. the only problem is that i often read and get blown away by the ideas but i don't really act on it. i really should grow a spine. i just know it in my heart that the Lord didn't mean for me to live like this!